Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
