I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
