Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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