please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
