There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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