Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
