No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it hurts more in the daytime
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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