Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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