I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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