Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
