Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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