I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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