did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
