He kissed a someone with a penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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