i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
