Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
