Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My friends, they love my intelligence
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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