get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
