I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
