i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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