I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
