she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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