I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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