Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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