hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
