Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
