Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
