If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Umm I'm too high to move.
You work out of a Hotel?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
