Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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