Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
