the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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