dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
