i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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