discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
