did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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