I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
