he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
