The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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