get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize