its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
