Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
