sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
