I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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