every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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