A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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