watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
