Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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