seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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