I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize