I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
