Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
