i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
