high people should be assigned attendants
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
