It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just invented taco cereal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She needs sedatives and a leash
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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