wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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