thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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