She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
