eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
