I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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