Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
