3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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