I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize