Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
