Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They took my balls.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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