No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
