thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
