Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
