I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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