the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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