I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
