the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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