hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
