dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
