She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
MIDGETS
????
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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