Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
