I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize