Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
