I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
