Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
