I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
